Yesterday, while staring at my face in the mirror with light coming in from the window to my left, I realized that I could see the way my face will look when I am much older.
It was a strange experience, as if somehow the intervening years between me and my sixty-year-old self had vanished, leaving me face to face with this familiar stranger. I thought I could see that her frown lines were a little too deep, the laugh lines not quite deep enough and her eyes seemed tired and a little sad.
It made me wonder what the next thirty years will bring. Since I'm rapidly nearing my 30th birthday, (holy goodness--only thirteen months away from now), not quite halfway to senior citizen status, suddenly my life seems to be rushing towards me at an alarming pace.
Not that I'm that old--I just can't help feeling that I have little to show for the years I've been here.
I suppose that we all make contributions to the world around us in small ways; I think for me my contributions have been really quite small: developing friendships with those around me, being a decent auntie, trying to be a good daughter and sister. They're not showy contributions by any means, but they're meaningful to me anyway.
I mean--there are times I definitely wish I could have done more with my life, like producing a world-altering novel by my twenty-fifth birthday or creating some other artistic masterpiece, or that, like my wonderful sisters, I could have contributed to the world by becoming the mother of sweet children.
But I'm slowly coming to the realization that my life's path is a track that's different than what I envisioned for myself as a long-ago six-year-old who wanted to be a mom when she grew up. Maybe I haven't made huge world-shaking contributions yet in my (not quite) thirty years. But maybe all that means is that the footprint I leave in the world is sometime in the future, that I'm still trying on shoe sizes, figuring out what fits.
And I think I feel okay with that. I think that the next few years of my life will see me past the many turns in my life path that I can't see beyond at the moment. And even if I still don't make the kinds of contributions I'd like to make, I can feel comfort in knowing that the very small differences I am making are important, and are maybe what God wants me to do here in the first place.
4 comments:
I think we all have visions of earth-shattering contributions we each should/could make to society. But, really, not everyone is supposed to do that. Helping out and being your best doesn't mean you have to be Oprah Winfrey or JK Rowling. We all need to find our small contributions to those around us, not just you. :D And I think you make a wonderful sister, so HAH!
Plus, I wonder how happy Oprah Winfrey and JK Rowling really are. Being able to give away millions of dollars on a whim doesn't mean that you have the best relationships with your family/friends. I think you can be happiest when you are seeking what Heavenly Father wants for YOU, and then doing your best to make it happen.
You've certainly made my life sweeter. Thank you so much.
I've never met you in real life, Beth, but I can see you doing nothing but great, incredible things with your life.
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