Why is it that we feel there's some sort of virtue in being unhappy? When you're grumpy, not only do you feel ornery, you don't even want to feel happy, as if becoming happy would be an affront to your individuality, to your right to choose your own cussedness.
What blasted fools we can be.
What a blasted fool I have been.
Because while I've said to myself numerous times that I would choose happiness over misery any day, the truth is that when the choice comes along I often pick misery. I think I must be a rather obstinate creature. I think maybe most people are.
I just read a post by one of my favorite bloggers. It's basically a talk she gave in her ward on Sunday and it's extraordinary how much it said what I needed to hear.
The Lord has told me (repeatedly, actually) that He's looking out for me and taking care of me. Sadly enough, I tend to forget this or willingly disbelieve it because, somehow, in my limited experience I know that there's absolutely no hope while He's telling me there is. I have, in short, failed to trust His promises, failed to rely on Him for strength when I'm feeling discouraged or lonely.
So. As you all are my witnesses, this is me declaring that I'm choosing happiness and trust in God. Let's hope my resolve sticks this time around.
But even if it doesn't, I know a loving God will be there to remind me that He's there. As always.
3 comments:
It is so, so true, but for some reason the humanoid in us has the hardest time remembering and hanging on to this, which is sad really...
You sound a little homesick - but hang in there! Don't take for granted all the awesome experiences you are having - by the time you absorb it all and finish becoming who you're finally going to be, you'll just be the coolest chickie ever!
Philippians 4:13 for Pete's sake!
...Forgive me, one as old as myself should never try to be philosofickle after midnight - it never makes any sense in the morning....*sigh*
(yes, I know I spelled that wrong - I'm just trying to make you smile!)
I love the scene from the Anne of Green Gables movie when she first goes away to school. She feels homesick, and the lady at the house she's staying at gives her one of those "Cheer up, Charlie" lines. But then Anne says to herself, "I don't want to be cheerful. I'd just rather be miserable." Sometimes it just feels good to be miserable.
But of course that's not what Heavenly Father wants, which I think you already know. I gave the Relief Society lesson a couple of months ago about being happy. In preparing I was reading Moses 5. We know verses 10 and 11 when Adam and Eve say how happy they are because they have a knowledge of good and evil. But if you read the verses before that, you realize that Adam and Eve are happy AFTER they've gone through a whole lot of life. I used to think that verses 10 and 11 happened as they walked out of the garden.
Anyway, I think sometimes we have to go through a lot of life experiences, be sad and happy, and then looking back on it all we can feel really good about all the experiences we've had and know how much Heavenly Father's plan for our lives is the best.
I suppose choosing grumpiness is a lot like sinning in general: we think being bad will feel good, but only because we forget the difference between pleasure and joy. Choosing misery or sin does (for some reason) bring short-term pleasure, but choosing happiness and obedience brings deeper and more lasting joy.
Now, if we could just remember that. :)
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