A Dream o' Babies

I dreamed about babies last night.

Of course, last night I dreamed about a lot of things because I fell asleep somewhere around 9-ish over my textbook and didn't get up until oh... 8-ish this morning.

(Good GRIEF.)

But still--babies were in there at some point during the night.

And I dreamed about this pair of twin infants (one boy, one girl) I was taking care of for a friend. The baby girl had some serious health issues and had to be handled with rubber gloves. And even though she was an infant, she kept talking to me about how I didn't have to worry about her too much; you know--those kind of reassuring things people say when they don't want to be really fussed over. But I fussed, and I accidentally poked her little hands as I tried to fasten her cloth diaper with a safety pin and it was pretty darn distressing because then she looked at me with these big hurt eyes and just didn't say anything and I could tell she was hurt and kind of offended and...

Why on EARTH did I have a distress dream about babies? Which then evolved into these same infants being all grown up and dancing it up as young adults?

I have only one answer: my subconscious is a strange, strange landscape, that even I cannot comprehend.

Oooo.

Such a disappointment.

You know the beard thing I've been doing lately? I mean--not growing one, of course, but really liking the men who do? Or at least the men who have really nice close-trimmed beards?

Yeah.

I'm not sure if it's a result or a cause of this, but I've totally been crushing on a guy who happens to be in two of my classes. He's pretty tall, a little stocky, and has this dark hair that's just got tints of red, which for some reason looks really, erm, delicious. And he was bearded.

I say 'was,' because when I showed up for class this evening, I noticed that his beard, alas, was gone.

What a loss! I can no longer find him truly attractive.

So, I guess shallowness of affection comes in all sorts of flavors. For me, it's the beard-y flavor.

You know you're all grown up

I think tax season is the only time people wish they earned less than they actually did.

We're such a crazy society.

Also, April 15th stinks.

Bleaargh.

How did I get so darn lucky?

You. You people. You people are the coolest people ever.

And one of you in particular (although you ALL are cool, really) is particularly cool right now.

To that person, I heartily say, "Well, blow me timbers! Thar be The Good Ship Bookend in the flesh! Er, wood. In the wood. On me shelf! Arr. It be good to see her there."

Also, "Thankee."

Also, "Good grief! That's holy amazing that you found that thing and WOW!" But, I don't know how to put that into pirate speak. Maybe it would be something close to "Yaargh!" I'm not really sure.

Also (to all you readers) I'm so sorry I haven't been posting much. I've just been hecka busy with school (even now I'm thinking, "I'm sure there's something I should be doing. There's always something. What the heck is it?!?) and assorted mundanities, which both leaves me less time for blogging, and a mind that is less occupied with thinking up blog topics and more occupied with trying to figure out which books I should toss out (theoretically, of course) for my collection development assignment and what I can say for a booktalk and when I can squeeze in the readings for cataloging that I've been neglecting lately.

But, I must tell you, I saw this charming thing on the T this evening. I was riding up to Harvard Square to meet a classmate to finish up a group project. On the seats just in front of me sat a young man (twentysomething) and a woman who looked to be in her late forties or early fifties who was, I'm guessing, his mom. I noticed the young man, of course, because he was excessively good looking. But I also noticed that they seemed to be having this really charming conversation where they'd laugh, and he'd kind of lean in and intentionally bump shoulders (his right, her left) with her a couple of times. I love that whole bumping shoulders business. It's a way of showing affection without getting too out of control--of a desire for contact, brief and rather humorous. I like it a lot.

And I wish all of you were here right now so I could talk and laugh with you and bump shoulders. Just a little bit.

Why love is like reading seriously condensed versions of classic novels:

Oh, Book-a-Minute, how do I love thee?

For instance, do I love thee enough to stay up until after 4am reading thy hilarious entries?

Why, yes.

Yes I do.

Sigh.

Oh, well.

At least I have nice hair.

Endless Universes

So, I've been reading the book Endless Universe: Beyond the Big Bang over the past few days (and yes, I am trying to impress you all by letting on that I'm reading cosmology theory (in NOVA-type very diluted form)) and (although I have this unfortunate tendency to fall asleep while reading it, which partially contributed to my missing 1/3 of church this morning) I have to admit, I find it rather wonderful.

Basically, the book takes a look at both the commonly taught model of the universe (the inflationary model) critiques it, and also introduces a new model (the cyclic model of the universe) that fits with the same astronomical observations and yet has (they claim) fewer problems than the inflationary model.

While I am certainly no cosmologist (I have trouble really visualizing some of the more intense theoretical stuff, like Higgs fields (which apparently make it possible for elementary particles to differentiate into the types we know today)), still the idea of the cyclic universe appeals to me much more than the inflationary model, simply from (oddly enough) an aesthetic and theological perspective.

The inflationary model claims, essentially, that time and space began at the Big Bang, that the universe rapidly expanded, then slowed, and now is undergoing a period of increasing expansion because of dark energy (all of which was explained in the book in a way that made me pretty much understand what dark energy is supposed to be, thank goodness). This increasing expansion will continue forever, until the universe is basically dead: all burnable fuel used up, all matter so widely distributed that space has become a virtual vacuum. And this state lasts forever.

While the cyclic model incorporates the same idea of the current universe as the inflationary model (that of rapid expansion after the Big Bang, gradual slowing and cooling, and a relatively recent period of increasing expansion due to dark energy), it differs from the other model in essential points. Instead of the universe being created at the Big Bang, the model claims that the event was only one in a series of cyclical events or periods that are endlessly repeating. Basically, the model makes the assumption (and I haven't yet discovered how the theorists provide a good reason for supposing this assumption is valid, but I'm only halfway through the book) that dark energy eventually decays when the universe is fairly homogenous (vacuum-like) in nature, and that then the universe gradually contracts until it reaches another Big Bang event, matter and energy are once again concentrated and distributed throughout the universe, and another period of creation begins.

So.

Here is why I prefer the cyclic model: firstly, it's just plain more hopeful. Thinking about the universe cooling and dying and expanding forever and ever and ever with no end is just plain depressing. It means that the majority of the creation of galaxies and other major astronomical structures is pretty much over and entropy wins in the end. That's a pretty bleak view. Whereas the cyclic model provides for an endless repetition of periods of creation. That's an inherently hopeful view, one I find fits more with my idea of how the universe should be. It's efficient (as opposed to the seemingly wasteful inflationary model) with no loss of matter/energy as the universe undergoes these cycles. That's the aesthetic appeal.

I also find that the cyclic model fits very comfortably indeed with my theological views. In the LDS scriptures, the phrase "one eternal round" comes up frequently and is always related to God, and always related to his course. I find it wonderful that there's an idea of the universe that plays into this idea of endless creation. Endless. Which means that God's work is wonderfully, beautifully, joyously, never finished. Which fits so much better into the cyclic model than the inflationary one. While I suppose the inflationary model could work with this idea of God (He'd just move on to another universe when this one was burned up, I guess), still, again, it feels inefficient and just wasteful. Using the same universe over and over again for works of creation seems to be wonderfully simple and beautiful.

So what does all this mean?

Nothing much.

I doubt I'll be able to tell after reading this book which, if either model, is more reliable, fits more with the astronomical evidence, or is more mathematically viable.

But I know which one I like, which one I'm rooting for. And whichever model is true (if either) the universe is more grand and strange and gorgeous and complex and simple than I can comprehend. And that's kind of wonderful in itself.

Tagalicious

Wow. I've just been tagged.

I feel... I feel pretty sweet about that, actually. Mostly because it gives me a chance to share some random stuff about myself with you.

Just for the record, here's what Pat says about the tag in her tagging post: "*Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.* Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.* Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog."

So, I guess my first random thing would be,

1. After quoting from Pat's blog, I felt a strong need to use APA citation. I think grad school is starting to get to me.
(Just for the record, I think it would be something like:
Pat. (2008, March 6). Granny's house. Retrieved March 7, 2008, from http://grannytsbungalow.blogspot.com/.)

2. I once made a movie with some friends that starred a small, terrycloth-covered, bean animal named Chobee. And I was the female lead.

3. I also once ate (as part of an initiation ceremony) an Oreo dipped in salsa. The weird thing is that, as gross as it sounds, the actual experience wasn't all that bad. I guess Oreos win out over all.

4. My biggest dream currently is to become a youth services librarian who writes books on the side. So far, I'm getting pretty far in the librarian business. The book writing thing? Not so much.

5. Okay. This one may be TMI, but I kind of enjoy plucking my face. I love that little tug you get right before a hair pops out. Um. Yeah. I'm sick.

6. Speaking of sick, and speaking of facial hair, I have this growing fetish for beards on men. We're not talking Lorenzo Snow type beards, here. C'mon, people. But I must confess: I really, really love that well-trimmed, full beard look (none of your goatees for me). Kind of like Commander Riker during his be-bearded days, but a little further up the cheek. Nice.

7. Which brings me to this one: I am a closet Trekkie. (It is true. In addition to being an APA citing, Chobee-loving, salsa & oreo-eating, author-wanna-be-librarianing, hair plucking, beard fetishing girl, I am also a nerd.)

And that's all you need to know about me.

So, to pass on the goodness, I think I'll tag:

Kim
Jekka
Nerd Goddess
Lindsay
Joseph
Christian
Joellen
Ethenielle

Which pretty much sums up my blogging acquaintances. (Although I would have tagged Pinto if she hadn't cursed given up blogging for Lent.)

*******************************************************
Edit: Aha. Hum. So, I tagged 8 people instead. I am not so good with numbers.

Soured

Do you really love those faces kids make when they eat something sour? (You sadist, you?)

If so, enjoy:

One more.

Sometimes I feel so hungry for something, I feel I could eat the whole world.

And yet I'm still hungry.

And the world still remains.

Is that not strange?

Are you not grateful?

I wonder.

Emotions fly across my surface like the shadows of wind-driven clouds.

Which leads me to wonder:

In my dumb simile, what am I?

The patterns of light and dark?

Or the shape of the earth beneath,

Soil and rock and fire?

Why love is like reading something from BYU Studies:

Are you...

Are you allowed to fall in love with an article? If so, I think I just have.

With this one, in fact.

And maybe it's just the way I've been feeling today: a little bit mind-weary, a little bit inclined to be a little heartsick, but this talk was pretty much exactly what I needed to read at this moment.

Experiencing it was like the best parts of being in love: joyful self-discovery and intense affirmation.

I feel better about myself than I have in a long time. And that's a pretty darn good thing indeed.

I love three-year-olds.

Here's one reason why:



My favorite thing? When she says, "The siney guy always worries."

In Other News

I really, really wish men with beards would just stop being in my classes. Or on the T. Or walking around on the sidewalk.

Because they're just way too distracting.

Mmm.

Phew!

In other news...

I heard from Cathy that a fellow far too young to have a beard has just joined their family, which means that she and her husband are now outnumbered by their children.

And also that there is one more small, wonderful person to love in the world.

Welcome, Theo.

(Here are some pictures, for those of you who are visually minded.)

Sage Advice

If, on a whim, you decide to brush your teeth while completely naked,

Be forewarned:

It's not as exciting as it sounds.

On Settling

I found this article both strangely compelling and rather disturbing. My roommate Pinto and I had a long discussion about it and came to the conclusion that there's settling and then there's Settling. (Obviously, the capitalized, italicized version is the one not to be done.)

The lower-case (non-italicized) settling is basically just another word for humility, for realizing that we are just as flawed as the people we're evaluating in our dating relationships. This kind of settling allows us to be realistic enough to accept the flaws of an individual, and humble enough to realize we have plenty of flaws on our own. It may also, my roommate mentioned, involve getting away from the BYU mentality of dating (in which it's easy to give up on any given relationship (sometimes for really tiny reasons) because there are just so many young, single, and dateable people out there).

Now Settling is different: it's when a person begins to compromise on things that are really important, when settling is not just saying, "It's okay that he isn't as witty and romantic as I'd like," but, "It's okay that he occasionally puts me down in front of my friends," or, "I can accept that he ignores my kids."

So. I'm curious. To you, what are things that indicate settling and Settling? In what ways do you thing you settled? (Lowercase! I hope none of you Settled.) And do you think it was a wise move or not?

Some things I love:

I love the feeling you get right after you've washed the last dish after doing some intense cooking. It's the satisfaction of completion, of finishing, of being able to sit on your bed and put your feet up for a while.

I love long intellectual conversations with my roommate, about theology and love lives and why being kind to people just makes good sense.

I love a book I just checked out from the library: The Arrival. I'd been curious about it for some time, but hadn't yet had an opportunity to look at a copy. It's an immigrant story, done entirely by pictures, so it's more of a graphic novel than anything. It's beautiful and strangely moving. I also love what the author Shaun Tan has to say about it.

I love finding out that I'm an aunt all over again, and seeing pictures of this very small person who, although I've never met her, is already so dear to me.

There are, indeed, so many things to love.

Flat Stanley's Last Day in Boston!

On Saturday, Stanley and I finally, finally, finally did something interesting. First of all, we got on the T to go to downtown Boston. Here's Stanley waiting impatiently at the T stop:


I'm not sure if it was because it was a holiday weekend, or because it was early-ish on Saturday morning, but the train was pretty darn empty. Stanley still seemed to be enjoying himself, though. (And I felt decidedly less embarrassed about taking pictures.)


We got off the Aquarium stop (which, unsurprisingly, comes out right by the New England Aquarium, which I have previously visited) and started a-wandering. We found this cool sculpture of frolicking dolphins, and Stanley wanted to climb aboard, so I obliged him.


You just can't get enough of cool frolicking dolphin sculptures.


Next, Stanley and I walked in back of a building (I think it might have been an apartment building? Or a hotel, maybe?) and found a lovely spot to sit and admire the harbor and also all the seagulls that flew up to us all of a sudden in apparent expectation of an outpouring of breadcrusts. (I almost got a picture of them, but they flew off again in disgust as soon as it became apparent that all I had to feed them was a flat boy made of paper and a shiny silver box that made irritating whirring noises.)

So, here's a shot of Stanley in front of Boston Harbor:


And another shot from the same location, facing a different direction:


And, just because I'm kind of silly, here's a video that pans around so you can get a sense of the view from there.



Ohyeah. And that wind? It made it all feel about 5 degrees or so. Wee bit chilly, I say.

Stanley and I got up then and kept meandering, where we found (if you can see it--it's a pretty bad picture) this building with an AH-mazing entrance: the Boston Harbor Hotel. (Which...Oh my. Hello, Fanciness.) Hm. Kind of funny, actually; as I was taking the picture, a couple of women were walking by, and I could see them making confused gestures from the corner of my eye. Suddenly, one of them laughed, and I heard her say something like, "Oh, it's Flat Stanley!" I turned and laughed and said, "Yeah." I've been amazed how many people know about Flat Stanley. He sure is one popular guy!


Here's a shot of some buildings downtown right by the Boston Harbor Hotel.


Stanley and I still weren't tired enough to stop exploring, and our noses hadn't yet become frostbitten, so we decided to keep going. We found this cool bridge:


(and here's a view to the side):


(and a look back from whence we came):


which led out to the Fan Pier. There's a long curving walkway that goes around this crazy-looking courthouse building. Along the way are plenty of benches and a good deal of thorny bushes that I'm pretty sure are roses (although I'll need to come back in the summer to make sure). All along are these gorgeous views of the harbor, like this one:


And this:


And here's another panorama video, in which Stanley becomes a serious camera-hog. (Yeesh, Stanley!)



We got really, really, really cold on the Fan Pier, so we walked a little bit further to the South Station T stop to get warm for a bit before heading out to see more stuff. Here's a picture of the South Station building (which is the station all south-bound commuter rail and Amtrak trains head out from):


We got off at Copley Square, which is one of my favorite places in Boston. First reason, it has the beautiful and impressive Trinity Church:


And the main, bigger, BIGGEST reason I love Copley Square, the Boston Public Library:


And here's Flat Stanley in the stacks:


As I was taking the above picture, a woman actually came up to me and talked about how her niece had sent her Flat Stanley to show around Boston, too! Crazy! She suggested that I check out an exhibit the library was doing of some bird's-eye-view drawings and photographs of Boston. So, I did. And Flat Stanley really enjoyed it! First, of course, we had to pass through the BPL's gorgeous courtyard:


Then, we found the exhibit. Here's Stanley hovering over an old view of Boston inlaid in the floor:


And here's Stanley with a more modern photograph of the city:


This picture shows how Boston has changed over time. As you can see, the land area just keeps growing and growing. Boston is like an enormous lichen! Or. Something. (You can tell by Stanley's expression that he thinks my jokes are lame.)


Then, because it was getting pretty close to my working time, we decided to head off to, well...work. On the way, we stopped and looked at the Museum of Fine Arts, just because it's a cool building and I wish we'd had time to visit it. But alas, 'twas not to be.


So that, my friends is the end of Stanley's adventures in Boston. (With me, at least. Apparently he's visited here before in other incarnations, and is, very likely, visiting it right now and will be visiting it again for a long, long time to come.)

I'll be sending Stanley back to my niece with an accounting of all our doings together.

Adieu, Stanley. It's been fun.

And really, we must do this again sometime.

Flat Stanley's Super Super Friday

Okay.

So, on Friday, I only took one picture with Flat Stanley, mostly because I spent the whole day being busy and rather bothered.

The day began in the early am hours with Stanley working furiously with me to finish up an assignment that was due at 8am Friday morning. Unfortunately, I had seriously misjudged how long the assignment would take me, so I stayed up most of the night working on it and well into the morning, snatching a couple of hours that I really should have skipped because I didn't actually finish the darn thing until about 12:30 Friday afternoon. So, blast. It was a little late.

At about 8 or 9am or so, realizing that my computer's tiff with the ISP at my apartment was not going to abate in time for me to complete the assignment, I decided to head off to the library on campus so I could use the wireless network there to finish everything up. Then, just as I was working on the reference list for the assignment (just finishing up, basically), the fire alarm in the library started blaring, and everyone had to be evacuated. Utterly fed up (and secretly convinced that the whole thing was due to some ignorant student opening up one of the emergency exit doors by mistake) I packed up my stuff and headed outside where I heard that there had been some sort of gas leak and they were evacuating the building as a precaution.

Whatever.

I had an assignment to finish!

Luckily, Flat Stanley was safely tucked inside my backpack (which I was not going to leave behind, lemme tell you) so he didn't get lost in the potentially blow-up-able building.

So, I went to another building on campus, where I reconnected to the wireless, finished the assignment and submitted it about a half hour before class started.

Yeesh.

Class was fine, but I felt slightly exhausted, and so didn't pay quite as much attention as I should have. And I neglected to take any pictures. (Sad.) However, the class took place in the same room as the first class of the week, so just check out the picture from that class again, and you should get an idea of where all this...Friday classness...happened.

Yep.

Uuuhmm...I'm pretty sure I went straight back to my apartment after that, because I was tired and hungry. Then, on the way back on the T, this elderly gentleman with some missing teeth leaned forward towards me and said, "You have such lovely green hair!" Wanting to be nice (and not weirded-out), I said, "Well, thank you!" and smiled. The elderly gentleman continued to exchange pleasantries such as kind of half acting a little crazy and then kind of half acknowledging that he was acting a little crazy and sharing a photocopy of a 'Dear Abby' column.

When he got off at my normal stop, I decided it would be prudent to just keep going on the train and get off at the next stop instead. He was nice, but I wasn't entirely sure whether the 'acting a little crazy' part was for real, and felt it would be wisest not to have him following me to my apartment. (So, so sad that the only compliments I get are from half-crazy old gentlemen. Ah, well. At least I get something.)

Anyway. So, I went one stop further and decided to walk back to my apartment rather than wait for a train going the other direction. It was a lovely, lovely late afternoon, with cool wet air, low and rushing clouds, and the waxing gibbous moon (my favorite phase) shining with strange clarity through the clouds, and so so white against the paling blue sky.

During the walk, I took my one picture of the day, when Stanley and I passed this awesome, awesome Victorian house with an awesome, awesome, old tree:


And that was it. That was the day. I think I went to bed at, like, 6pm. (Or maybe slightly later.) But, luckily, Stanley and I had one more day together...

Tooooooo Tiiiiiiired

I can't write a full post now. I'm just too tired.

Suffice it to say that Stanley and I had a full day of staying up mostly all night to finish an assignment that got turned in late (Gargh!), along with evacuating buildings and lots of walking and photographing Victorian buildings and encountering elderly gentlemen who complimented me on my lovely green hair.

Ah yes.

A day indeed.

More tomorrow.