Do you ever kind of say harsh things to yourself? Like, you're sitting in a room full of people, and someone says something funny, and you laugh, and then you say something that you think is funny, except that when you say it, everybody either looks away or gives a nervous chuckle, then coughs, then changes the subject, and then you spend the rest of the night kind of sitting with your arms crossed over your chest, calling yourself an idiot? Repeatedly?
Or you're at work, and you tell the shipping department that they totally don't need to work on this order, because even though the customer needed it by Friday, she wasn't willing to pay for 3rd-Day freight so that we could guarantee it would arrive by Friday, and then when the customer calls back to see if her order has shipped, you totally cave and say, "Yes, YES, we'll ship it today, only please, PLEASE don't hurt me!" And then you run down and tell the shipping department that, yes, they have to ship that order today, except now they only have one hour to get all the products together, get the order packaged, into the UPS system, invoiced, and on the pallet? And then they throw half-empty boxes at your head? Which you duck because you have pretty okay reflexes? And then you run upstairs to the safety of your cubicle, where you sit with your head in your hands and tell yourself that you're an idiot? Repeatedly?
You see, I think I call myself an idiot to make myself feel better. Isn't that sick? Aren't I ill? The truth is, I call myself an idiot, because I want to prove to myself (and other people, who, somehow, I think can read my thoughts) that even though I behave like an idiot, at least I KNOW I'm an idiot, so they (the other people) don't have to call me one themselves. So really, I'm just acting in self-defense. Sort of. Does this make any sense?
Probably not.
8 comments:
I do exactly the same thing. Unfortunately I do it far too often. Last monday being a good example. I am such an idiot!
You are not! Last monday was TOTALLY not idiot time for you. Yes. Because I was so there. In spirit, and all that. And Pam, I honestly cannot even imagine you being an idiot. You're way too put together & cool for that.
Oh, you are kind. But it really was a dumb day. I did this report incorrectly (a report that I've been doing for....many years) and then I forgot that I had put about $200 worth of certificate papers into an old file cabinet on friday night and said, "yeah, sure go ahead and lock it before you take it to the dump." After about an hour of unsuccessfully trying to find the right key out of all of the little unknown keys that live in our office junk drawer, I had to confess and have Tom bust the thing open with a hammer and a crow bar. Apparently he does it a lot and is good at it...but I still felt really dumb. So see...it was definately my dumb day...so sad
Ack! I HATE dumb days! Just HATE 'em! And, I'm sorry that you had one where you felt dumb. *Blows raspberry emphatically at all dumb days.*
I love you anyway.
Thanks! I love you too! And I wish you nothing but smart days for at least a decade!
Fun stuff I've done semi-recently:
Transferred large amounts of money incorrectly when trying to sign on our house. It was supposed to come out of a savings account at one bank and into a checking account at another, and instead tried to come out of the nearly empty checking account and go into the savings account. Not only did I incur overdraft fees, I delayed closing on our house by two days.
Held Morgan's friend Stan's hand for less than a minute while walking out of Sacrament meeting. He's a nice kid...it wouldn't have mattered, except Stan's dad was attached to his other hand, and mentioned how open to misinterpretation the whole thing was. I felt stupid. And awkward. You see, no one knows me at church 'cause I'm a primary exile...and I'd rather be identifed with the correct husband and child when people see me in passing.
There have been others, but these two really stand out right now.
You know, it's amazing to me that nearly everyone (with the notable exception of megalomaniacs) feels this way at times. It's just especially astonishing that people I consider extremely capable (i.e. you two) can feel this way too.
Here's to a decade of idiot-free life for ALL of us! Hear, hear! And, cheers. And all that.
Funny--my response to ill-conceived choices tends to be something along the lines of "Note to self: don't _________ again." For example, this morning as I picked myself and my scattered belongings up off the street, I thought, "Note to self: Avoid running to catch your train in sandals in the future, if at all possible." (In case you're wondering, I did catch the train, then stopped by Rite Aid on my way to the office to buy Neosporin for my poor elbow.)
Not that telling myself what I already know is really that efficient or productive, but the process does indeed seem to have a certain cathartic effect. And when you've just crashed and burned on some unsympathetic asphalt, you can use all the catharsis you can get. Sheesh.
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