The problem of pontificating

I was about to write about how I stubbed my toe this evening (developing a rather nasty blood blister on my pinky toe), how I yelled indiscriminately for a minute then gingerly tried to apply pressure, and then how I was swept away by the philosophical consideration of why exactly we have pain, both physical and emotional. I was then about to expand upon and share my musings, dispersing my thoughts like alms to the needy and creating a self-image of smiling, superior, ace-bandage-wrapped benevolence.

I'm glad I didn't.

Because I have just realized that my pontifications (for such they would be) are nothing more than posturing; that I have no more understanding of pain than any other mortal creature.

However.

I do know this: pain happens. If you wonder why it happens, your best bet would not be to read about why it happens on Lizardbreath's blog. Your best bet may just be to read The Problem of Pain, by C. S. Lewis, of which I have just read a summary. (I've never read the book itself, much to my chagrin.)

Or, your best bet may be to reflect on the problem itself.

You see, in my own musings I thought of pain as a way to tell us something was wrong. If you stub your toe and have an unsightly blood blister, your body reacts by sending signals to your brain that something terribly untoward has happened in the region of your little toesies. These signals continue as long as the problem exists. Therefore, when the pain is gone, the problem is gone.

I thought to myself, Oh! This is comparable to spiritual pain! If we experience non-physical pain, it indicates that something is broken in our spiritual bodies; we've transgressed, either by commission or omission.

I thought that the key to such pain would be repentance; healing would only come through that process, and through the Atonement.

All of which is true.

But I failed to take into account that there are more causes of pain than sin and toe-stubbing; there are numerous things that happen that cause us pain. We could feel pain in sympathy for a loved one (for instance if a friend were to stub her little toe). We feel pain in response to death or grief or someone being cruel or life being unfair or when we're lonely or chemically depressed or...

Well, you know. You've all felt it, this non-physical, potent, un-caused-by-you type of pain.

Which is why C. S. Lewis's book is intriguing to me at the moment. It deals with the problem of why we undergo suffering if God is good and truly loves us. Because he is and does; it's just hard to remember that at times when your husband finds out he has cancer, or when you're in a job you dislike, or when you stub your little toe.

But remembering is crucial, because I'm convinced that, just as there are sources of relief for physical pain, God is the only real source of relief for the other suffering in our lives.

I just wish I could figure out how it all worked.