Wednesday, June 07, 2006

What is this funny feeling?

Well, I was getting all set to write a post about how I've started an online application for an MLS program--something about getting the ball rolling, and how good it felt to do so, and how much my brain feels like mush & utterly incapable of writing 2 coherent sentences together...

But I couldn't. Honestly, I'm just in one of those moods this evening.

You know, those kinds of moods that strike you at random times, with little warning, but that stick with you all day, or even several days. I'm feeling...a little sad, a little thoughtful, a little humorous, a little...(dare I say?) lonesome... But none of these feelings by themselves equal this emotion I'm experiencing right now. It's a strange emotion medley, a mixed up taste sensation for the brain & heart. It's funny--I mostly just feel like listening to vaguely somber music, and the crickets making a racket outside of my window. I want to lay on my bed in the dark and think about stars and hope and how many times I've wondered whether or not I'd ever find someone to be all my own.

It feels a little like loss, and a little like being tired, and a little like wanting to make changes. It also feels a little like I'll actually be able to make the changes. So it also feels a little happy, in a sad sort of way.

I guess it mostly feels like being human, and having the full range of conflicting all-at-once emotion that we seem to deal with constantly.

Hm. I keep trying to tie this up with something succinct and poignant, but nothing's coming to mind. I guess I'll just have to leave this one open-ended. And I guess that's like life anyway, right? Nothing's ever tied up neatly, packaged in shimmery wrapping paper with a card on top,(unless, of course, it's a wedding present), so certainly I shouldn't expect this blog to be. Should I?

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Congrats on getting the ball rolling! Way to be industrious! I on the other hand...even though I publically announced on your blog that I had started my mission scrapbook...have given up. Yes, I got tired of having stuff all over my floor, so I got it far enough along that it would fit nicely into these little drawers. At least it's out of the box! And it's way more organized. So...gold star for you today! I hope you enjoyed your curious feeling and are feeling a little more grounded now...back to being human...back from being SUPER BETH!

Lindsay said...

You don't know me, but I linked your blog through Becca's...and I like Becca, and judging you by this post (which I realize may be considered quite the sweeping generalization), then I must like you too.

Anyhow, I really enjoyed this post. I get into these same moods, these same funks, every once in a while and for a variety of reasons. They're very somber sorts of moods, and not always incredibly pleasant, but they always leave me feeling very reflectively melancholy with a new -- and usually better -- outlook on life. It's strange how it works, really.

So thanks for putting to words to a feeling I've never been able to explain before.

Lizardbreath McGee said...

Lindsay, it is so good to meet you (in a virtual reality sort of way)! :^) And, heck, if you like Becca, then you yourself MUST be awesome. :^)

And thanks so much for your kind words about my post. I agree with you--these moods often do alter our worldviews, if only slightly. And I believe that getting your worldview altered from time to time is a very healthy thing.

And Pam, organization is ALWAYS worth it, even if our original lofty goals are unreached. I'm definitely feeling more grounded today (and I'm gathering gold stars from all over the place! (well, the KMA forum specifically, where I am the mysterious 'admin')), but who knows when the mood will strike again. Could be tonight. (Dun dun DUN!!!!) :^D

Anonymous said...

can i JUST say- i love you!
in a NON-stalker sort of way? lol

Lizardbreath McGee said...

Hahaha! Only non-stalker types allowed here. :^) And Annie, you are SO allowed to say that. I'm basking in the glow. Seriously. (And you're pretty dang cool yourself. ;^))