I'm done.
I just produced five paragraphs of nonsense that, when read by the admissions folks at various MLS programs, are supposed to produce a feeling of warm fuzziness, of desire to have me come and hang with them for awhile, a desire to have me give them money, (or rather to borrow a large sum of money which I will then give to them), a desire to let me sit in as faculty members lecture about how cool it is to be a librarian.
Except that I can't help feeling that those five paragraphs of nonsense are really that--nonsensical--and that I have a snowball's chance in Phoenix of making it into these schools.
Dang it.
So, I will save this little five paragraph essay of My Career Objectives and How I Really Really want you to let me into this program because I CAN become a good librarian, I CAN, and I WILL if you just give me a chance oh please oh please just let me in, please please, and then I will go back to it and (maybe) rip it apart and start over. Except that I'm really, really tired of thinking about this, and so I'm tempted to just tatter it. A little. And then...email it to everyone I can think of it so they can review it and tell me that it's mostly okay but this paragraph just needs a little bit of work and couldn't you use a different word here that doesn't rhyme with 'orange' and shouldn't you have capitalized the beginning of the sentence and I think maybe you have a snowball's chance in Seattle which is slightly better than its chance in Phoenix.
I'm just afraid that they'll say 'No,' y'know? I'm just sitting here wondering what I would do if this school that I feel drawn to does NOT feel drawn to me and I'm left to wander as a school-less librarian wannabe for the rest of my life. Not that there aren't other schools, and not that I'm unlikely to be accepted to ALL of them... It's just hard to face the possibility that you might not get what you really really want.
And I really really want this.
Really.
5 comments:
Okay, let me amend this. I guess I want it in SPITE of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary--the evidence that shows that I spend all my time blogging or watching tv or doing things OTHER than applying to grad school. My actions are speaking louder than my blog posts. (Stupid, stupid actions.)
*Oh, and my word verification this time is: hsxywc, which looks like an acronym you'd text to somebody: "Hey, sexy, wanna come--" except that the little 'o' for 'over' gets cut off 'cause you get slapped upside the head by your mom who doesn't allow the word 'sexy' in her house--even in semi-acronymical form.
Man. Commenting on my own posts is so lame.
Sigh.
Hey, a little clarification never hurt anyone.
Frankly, I'm proud of you that wrote your first application draft. It's a big, scary step many people never take. Go you.
And look on the bright side--there are scarier things in life. Like childbirth. I kinda can't avoid that one at this point, though if it were possible to procrastinate it I probably would. Yeesh.
Actually, (and I hate to admit this), this is my second first draft, if that makes any sense. I wrote one essay a couple of months ago and absolutely hated it. So I trashed it. Then I wrote this one and...I like it marginally better. I'm not going to trash it just yet, at least.
And--urg--good luck with that childbirth! My little sis just went through it, and while first-time deliveries are often really long, I think she was through within 7 or 8 hours of when they started inducing her. Yowza! Not that that will help you if yours is longer. (In fact, it COULD just make you annoyed. :^)) But good luck anyway--and things aren't always as bad as you anticipate. And also babies are really sweet, and you'll get one at the end of it all! :^) (Happy thought for you there.)
True, indeed. :)
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