(Sorry--This is a gratuitous flower pic to make my blog look more interesting than it is.)Okay. I know I keep going around this argument with myself, spinning around and around, like some crazy do-it-yourself insane merry-go-round that is also an instrument of the DEVIL...
Sigh. Here's the scoop: I need to do things that I'm not doing. And, I'm kind of semi-pleased with myself because today I did a very SMALL thing that will enable me to do a slightly LARGER thing, that will, I hope, enable me to do that thing that I really NEED to do.
Confused yet? So am I.
The truth is, I keep on just letting time slip by me, and deadlines loom, and then pass, and I'm still in the same place I was before. And I'm tired--tired, tired, tired of being in that place where I'm just carrying on because there's nothing much else to do. And I sit around & complain & do nothing. I'm so sick of my impotence, of this blockage that I seem to have that sits unmoving smack in the middle of the path I think I want to take.
And then I run at it and kick it in nothing but my slippers. (Er, I'm also wearing a bathrobe.)
Ow.
I hope, I HOPE I will have better news to post soon--news that I've taken the 'larger' step I mentioned, news that I may be recovering from my year & a half of flopping aimlessly around my parents' house while I try to convince myself to do what I NEED to do to move forward, news that I finally feel like I'm on my way to becoming a real, live grown-up. Cross your fingers.
Oh, yeah. And pray.
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