Sunday, December 11, 2011

Conversational Angst

I always feel uncomfortable when I'm with a group of people and the conversation turns to dieting or exercise regimens, and how much everybody wishes they could lose those last two or three pounds.

I sort of feel like adding to the conversation with my own personal experiences. Things like, "Did you know that, if humans were like amoebas, I'd probably already have divided into two people by now? Maybe three if they were particularly svelte?"

Or, "Yes. My darn gravity well just keeps getting deeper and deeper. I think if I have any more of this chocolate cake, I'll probably become a black hole."

Or, "Hey, do you see this softball rotating around my middle? It's a small moon I acquired just last week. It's the latest in plus-size accessories."

But instead I sit there, looking like a human beanbag chair, nodding sympathetically as people talk about elliptical machines and only being able to muscle down two bites of the incredibly sweet dessert that I've already had two servings of. As if I know what they're talking about. As if we're even from the same universe.

My back aches all the time, my ankle twists with great regularity, and I will probably die of a heart attack at age 39. Now. Can we please talk about something else? Books, I hear, are very nice conversational topics this time of year.


Kimberly Bluestocking said...

Oh Beth, I wish I were there to give you a hug.

Debbie Barr said...

Oh Beth. I know exactly what you mean.

Anonymous said...

I used to think I was pretty sensitive on this topic because I don't have much to say about diets and exercise. But then I was talking with someone while in the last stages of pregnancy. I didn't think about audience reception and so whined a bit about my weight and discomfort. And then one of my friend's expression made me realize that, other than the quick onset and internal wiggling, she probably has more reason to complain than I. Felt really bad about that. Isn't something there is a non-hurtful way to apologize either. I changed the topic as quickly as I could. Still feel bad about that.

Sympathy. January will be over soon and so hopefully the new year resolution topics will fade soon.